Well,

I don't have much to update about.

Work is work again. Yesterday I was in the bathroom and a guy came in, did his thing at the urinal, wiped his hands with paper towel, and then left! I was like man, you missed the water part bro. And, what good is wiping your dry hands with a dry paper towel? Disgusting.

Then in the afternoon, I was washing my hands. A guy came in and saw his buddy at the urinal, and these two compadres had a full force conversation while they drained their lizards. Not like a "hey what's up bud." It was something like a "hey...oh my new year was good....christmas too....were you naughty?....hah yeah i was naughty....santa fucked me....haha no joke....that's what i get....*flush*" I didn't make that up. That's how it went down. Am I the only normal person in the office?

Now that I think about it, I'm surrounded by strange behaviors when I use the bathroom (and I use it a lot). My bowels are like the clockwork, so every day I get to sit and hear Splash 'N Dashers (sound of peeing, no faucet, then the door opening), Paper Savers (sound of stall door closing, no toilet cover paper rustling, butt cheek hitting porcelain), and a variety of groaners and moaners. The best part is I get to see these people outside the bathroom and in the office--shaking hands, sharing doughnuts, living normal work lives.

So, that's all I have to say about work right now. Of all things I thought would catch me off guard in the real world, I didn't prepare myself for crude bathroom behavior.

Sorry if you're disgusted. But now you know what I suffer through between the hours of 10am and 11am when I'm taking my daily dukes. So go out into the world, young American professionals and future professionals, and make sure you practice sanitary bathroom behaviors and avoid conversation while you excrete. And most importantly, flush!