The N Word

Jesse Jackson's antics over the past week re-ignited a touchy subject in America today: Is it OK to use the N word for anyone, black or not black?

Who the hell knows. But....

I say it. I know I shouldn't. But I do and there's no logical defense for it. So I'm not gonna stand on a soap box here and take a stance on it.

I can't tell you WHY I say it because I didn't wake up one morning and say gee, I'm gonna start using this nasty little word and this is why. What I can do is share HOW I think it made it into my already filthy vocabulary.

To me, it's like the word "like". Now I know that "like" and the N word are about as far from each other as Elton Brand and Mike Dunleavy, but it's their way of sneaking into our sentences that I'm comparing. You know how you, like, say "like" all the time when you talk even though it's meaningless and doesn't help you make your point at all. But like, everyone else says it around you and after like, a gajillion christina milian times you start saying it because it feels normal and natural?

If you listen to unedited versions of hip hop music other than Will Smith and Eminem, the N word is everywhere. Even in some of the filthy R&B tracks. Add to that exposure any PG-13 or R film you see that includes two or more black characters, or a classic stand-up routine by a black comedian, and your N word count is soaring now. And add to all that--now this is where I think the tippint point was for me--the thousands of times you hear it said by family members, roomates, friends, who watch the same movies and listen to the same music, and like, something's gonna rub off.

It doesn't help that in these instances you're hearing the word, you're also in a position of wanting to be as hardcore as the rapper who said it, wanting to be as funny as the comedian who used it so eloquently, wanting to be as cool as your kuyas. Hearing it said by so many subtle influences doesn't justify using the word, but, like, it becomes that much harder to stop and think about the monumental burden this word carries when it's an easy two syllables out of your mouth to make your punch line sound like Katt Williams or your trash talk sound like 2pac.

This is by no means a finger pointing at black entertainment leaders and putting the responsibility on them. Like I said, I'm in no position to debate to use or not to use. (And quite frankly, I don't think that debate will ever be resolved). This is just one non-black guy's story and how it got onto my tongue, and how I think it's almost pointless to debate whether it SHOULD be said because the HOW has already made it happen.